Are you going to keep playing hard to get much longer?” a 58-year-old suitor texted me. And it was all because I broke my own rule and trusted the wrong person.
Last Friday, my friend Olya and I were sitting in her kitchen drinking tea. She had baked her signature liver pies. We were talking about ordinary everyday things when she suddenly came out with what she clearly thought was a brilliant idea.
It turned out that her husband had an old friend who had been widowed a few years ago. He was fifty-eight, living all alone in his big three-room apartment. The man was bored in his old age and was actively looking for a new life companion. And Olya seriously suggested that I consider him as a candidate.
I immediately said that I did not need anyone at all. I am fifty-four now, and for the past three years I have been living alone in complete peace. At last, that golden time has come when you belong only to yourself and do not have to answer to anyone.
My ex-husband and I divorced quietly and peacefully because the children had grown up and moved away. My son left for Yekaterinburg for work, and my daughter got married and moved to the other side of the city with her husband. It turned out that, apart from them, there was nothing else holding us together.
And you cannot even imagine what a joy it is to live alone at my age. I no longer have to stand at the stove after work in the evenings and cook those endless five-liter pots of soup for the whole crowd. I do not have to adapt to someone else’s bad mood.
I can have a simple dinner of yogurt and an apple, flop down on the couch with a face mask on, turn on my favorite Turkish soap opera, and no one grumbles in my ear that I am watching some nonsense. My apartment is my fortress, where it is always clean, quiet, and everything lies exactly where it belongs.
When I said this to Olya, she somehow hesitated, looked away, and sighed heavily. It was obvious that my words about my happy single life had touched a nerve for some reason.
“Listen, I only wanted what was best,” Olya began twisting her cup nervously in her hands. “I already gave him your phone number. He asked for it so insistently.”
“Olya, are you out of your mind, giving out my number without asking me?” I was genuinely upset by that turn of events. “I am telling you plainly that I am not looking for any kind of relationship.”
“Oh, come on, don’t get so worked up. It’s not like I gave him your passport details,” she tried to brush off my complaints. “Just talk to him, it won’t hurt you. He’s a decent man.”
I did not make a huge scene, but the unpleasant feeling stayed with me. We quickly finished our tea, I blamed a headache, and went home, spending the whole way there processing that outrageous nerve. I did not have to wait long for this “decent man.” The very next day my phone chimed.
“Good afternoon! This is Anatoly, a friend of Olya’s husband. She gave me your number. I would like to suggest that we go for a walk this evening and talk.”
“Hello, Anatoly. To be honest, there has been a misunderstanding. I want to say right away that I am not looking for any relationships or знакомства.”
“Very sorry to hear that. But perhaps we could simply talk as friends?”
“No, thank you. I do not want to give anyone false hope.”
At that point, I thought the story was over. I had explained everything clearly to a grown man, directly, without any flirtatious ellipses or hidden meanings. But apparently Anatoly turned out to be one of those people who do not understand rejection and believe that if a woman says no, she is just trying to raise her value. Two days later, he texted me again.
“Good evening. Perhaps then you would join me for a movie?”
“No, Anatoly, thank you. I will not go.”
How chance made me break my own rules
One evening I had arranged to meet an old friend from my previous job at a café. I had already gotten ready, done my makeup, dressed up, and was just about to call a taxi when she phoned to apologize. Something had come up, she urgently had to babysit her grandson, and our meeting had to be canceled at the last minute.
I was sitting at home all dressed up and realized that I absolutely did not want to spend the evening within four walls. I was in such a wonderful mood to go somewhere. And at that exact moment, Anatoly’s message appeared on my screen again.
“Good evening. I have theater tickets for tonight that will go to waste. Will you join me? …….to be continued in the first comment
How long are you going to keep playing hard to get?” wrote a 58-year-old suitor. And all because I broke my own rule and trusted the wrong person.
Last Friday, my friend Olya and I were sitting in her kitchen drinking tea. She had baked her signature liver pies. We were discussing ordinary household matters when she suddenly came up with what she clearly thought was a brilliant idea.
It turned out that her husband had an old friend whose wife had died a few years ago. He was fifty-eight, living completely alone in his large three-room apartment. The man was bored in his old age and was actively looking for a new life companion. And Olya seriously suggested that I consider him.
I immediately said that I did not need anyone at all. I am fifty-four now, and for the past three years I have been living alone in complete peace. At last, that golden time has come when you belong only to yourself and do not have to answer to anyone.
My ex-husband and I divorced quietly and peacefully because the children had grown up and moved away. My son left for Yekaterinburg for work, and my daughter got married and moved to the other side of the city with her husband. It turned out that apart from them, there was really nothing else holding us together.
And you cannot imagine what a joy it is to live alone at my age. I no longer have to stand at the stove after work in the evenings, cooking endless five-liter pots of soup for a whole crowd. I do not have to adjust to someone else’s bad mood.
I can have a simple dinner of yogurt and an apple, flop down on the couch with a face mask on, turn on my favorite Turkish soap opera, and no one grumbles in my ear that I am watching nonsense. My apartment is my fortress, where it is always clean, quiet, and everything lies exactly in its place.
When I said this to Olya, she hesitated strangely, looked away, and sighed heavily. It was obvious that my words about a happy single life had somehow really struck a nerve with her.
“Listen, I only meant well,” Olya began nervously twisting her cup in her hands. “I already gave him your phone number. He really asked for it.”
“Olya, are you out of your mind, giving out my number without asking?” I was genuinely upset by this. “I’m telling you plainly that I am not looking for any relationship.”
“Oh, come on, don’t get worked up. It’s not like I gave him your passport details,” she tried to brush off my complaint. “Just talk to him. It won’t hurt you. He’s a decent man.”
I did not make a big scene, but the bad aftertaste remained. We quickly finished our tea, I blamed a headache, and went home, spending the whole way processing her sheer tactlessness. I did not have to wait long for this “decent man.” The very next day my phone chimed.
“Good afternoon! This is Anatoly, a friend of Olya’s husband. She gave me your number. I’d like to suggest we go for a walk and talk this evening.”
“Hello, Anatoly. Honestly, there has been a misunderstanding. I want to say right away that I am not looking for any relationship or знакомства.”
“Very sorry to hear that. But perhaps we could just talk as friends?”
“No, thank you. I do not want to give anyone false hope.”
At that point I thought the story was over. I had explained everything clearly to an adult man, directly, without any coquettish ellipses or hidden meanings. But apparently Anatoly was one of those men who do not understand rejection and believe that if a woman says no, she is just making herself seem more desirable. Two days later he wrote again.
“Good evening. Then perhaps you would keep me company at the movies?”
“No, Anatoly, thank you. I am not going.”
How chance made me break my own rules
One evening I had arranged to meet an old friend from a former job at a café. I had already gotten ready, put on makeup, dressed up, and was just about to call a taxi when she phoned and apologized. Something had come up, she had to babysit her grandson urgently, and the meeting had to be canceled at the last minute.
I was sitting at home all dressed up and realized I absolutely did not want to spend the evening inside four walls. I was in a wonderful mood and wanted to go out somewhere. And at that exact moment, Anatoly’s message appeared on my screen again.
“Good evening. My theater tickets for tonight are going to waste. Would you keep me company?”
I thought for a moment and wrote back:
“Good evening, Anatoly. I will agree to go with you only on one strict condition,” I decided to make everything clear immediately. “This is absolutely not a date. I am not looking for a man. I am simply bored sitting at home tonight. And I pay for myself.”
“No problem, agreed.”
I asked how much the ticket cost, transferred him the money, and went.
In person, he turned out to be quite a decent man. We had a normal, friendly conversation during the intermission without any hints or innuendo. He talked about his job, about his grown daughter who lives in St. Petersburg, and did not cross any personal boundaries even once.
The performance was very good too. They were putting on a classic, Chekhov, and the actors were simply magnificent. When the play ended, we went outside.
“Perhaps we should stop by a café and sit a little longer?” he suggested.
“No, thank you, I am going home,” I refused and quietly left.
I got into the taxi and exhaled with a clear conscience. The evening had gone wonderfully. I had enjoyed some culture, owed nothing to this man, and could calmly return to my cozy single bed.
A surprise from my friend that left me speechless
A couple of days later, my phone vibrated again. It was Anatoly once more with his invitations.
“Good afternoon! I invite you to a restaurant tonight.”
“Hello. No, I am not going anywhere.”
“Listen, how long are you going to keep playing hard to get?”
I was stunned by such a rude message. I kept reading it and could not believe my eyes. Some barely acquainted man was writing about me “playing hard to get,” as if I were some teenage girl at a dance.
“What do you mean, playing hard to get? I explained everything honestly right from the start. What else do you want from me?”
“Olya told me that first you would be a little stubborn, and then you would definitely agree. So enough already.”
I was simply speechless at such shamelessness. So my friend had not only leaked my number, but had also given him instructions on how to pressure me. She had made me out to be some fool who was merely pretending to be difficult while secretly dreaming of getting married as soon as possible.
It turned out that all this time Olya had been discussing me behind my back with her husband and this Anatoly. They had apparently decided at some family council that I was just an unhappy lonely woman who did not understand her own good fortune. And that my “no” did not need to be taken seriously at all.
“That will never happen. Do not write to me again.”
“You women do not even know what you want,” he wrote, and then immediately blocked me.
I exhaled with enormous relief. At last this clingy pest had fallen away on his own, without extra scandals or hysterics.
Maybe I made a mistake when I agreed to go to the theater with him. But on the other hand, I had made everything clear and honest from the very beginning.
As for Olya, now I do not even know how to communicate with her at all. I will probably reduce our meetings to a minimum. With a friend like that, you do not need enemies. She simply decided for me what I needed for happiness and, on top of that, made me look ridiculous.
What would you do with a friend who gives out your number left and right and coaches men on how to seduce you?