Because of a refrigerator that cost €290, Andrey and I somehow managed to have a worse argument than when we were choosing our kitchen and spent two weeks fighting over every single cabinet.
My mother needed a new refrigerator. Her old one had been working only intermittently for a long time, and after yet another service call, the repairman said there was no point putting any more money into it. Mom found a basic model without any extra features. She had €155, and I was planning to cover the remaining €135.
Our family savings were kept in a savings account in my name. It had simply worked out that way for convenience: I usually paid the utility bills, major purchases, and renovation expenses, while Andrey transferred his share into the account every month. Apart from that, each of us kept money on our own cards, and we usually didn’t ask each other what we spent it on.
Until that evening, the system had worked perfectly.
The Rule Appeared Over Dinner
I mentioned Mom’s refrigerator casually while we were already clearing the table.
“She’s short by €135. I’ll take it from the savings and put a little extra back next month.”
Andrey looked at me as if I had suggested taking half the renovation money.
“Why from the savings? Transfer your own money.”
At first, I thought he was simply worried about the kitchen. We really were planning to replace it in the fall, but there were already more than €2,000 in the account, so €135 wasn’t going to make any significant difference.
“What difference does it make?” I asked. “In the spring, we added €165 from the same account for your mother’s new washing machine.”
Andrey put his plate in the sink and dried his hands on a towel.
“I didn’t think about it then. Let’s stop doing that altogether. Our parents are adults. Everyone should take care of their own relatives.”
“So we already helped your mother together, but now I’m supposed to help mine on my own?”
He exhaled irritably and replied:
“Everyone supports their own family,” my husband declared.
Then he immediately explained that, in his opinion, this would be fairer: our family savings would remain for our shared expenses, while if either of us wanted to help parents, brothers, or sisters, we would do it from the part of our salaries that remained our personal money.
I didn’t particularly like that logic, especially since this new rule had appeared immediately after we had helped his mother, but I wasn’t going to argue for another hour over a refrigerator.
That same evening, I transferred €135 to Mom from my own card. She asked several times whether she had chosen something too expensive, then ordered delivery for Saturday, and as far as I was concerned, that was the end of the matter.
Andrey’s new rule lasted exactly seven days.
His Sister Found an Apartment
The following Wednesday, I came home early. Andrey returned around seven, changed his clothes, and immediately said:
“Ksyusha finally found a decent apartment.”
His sister had been looking for a new place for almost a month. The owner of the apartment she had rented for several years had decided to sell it and warned her in advance that the lease would not be renewed after the already-paid month ended. Ksenia lived with her son, so she was looking for somewhere close to his school and was trying to stay in the same neighborhood.
Andrey had already told her that he would help with the move. I had heard him say it and had no objection. At the time, he meant that he could pay for a moving van, buy something necessary, or contribute part of the amount if she came up a little short.
They had never discussed a specific sum.
That evening, Ksenia sent him photos of an apartment and the cost breakdown from the agent. The landlord wanted €330 for one month’s rent, another €330 as a security deposit, half of which was supposed to be returned at the end of the tenancy if the apartment was left in good condition. The agent’s fee was €165.
To sign the lease, she needed to pay about €825.
Ksenia had €330.
Then she wrote to her brother:
“Andryusha, I really want to take this apartment. You said you’d help me. I’m short by €495. If you can transfer it tomorrow, I’ll sign the lease in the evening.”
She didn’t say, “You owe me €495.” It wasn’t an order. It was a perfectly normal request to someone who had offered to help.
Andrey reread the message, then turned to me.
“Can you transfer €495 from the savings account tomorrow?”
At first, I didn’t even realize he was completely serious.
A Week Later, the Rule Changed
“No,” I replied. “You promised to help your sister, so you help her.”
Andrey frowned.
“Natasha, why start this again? She’s moving.”
“I’m not starting anything. We settled this a week ago.”
He fell silent, then reminded me that Ksenia was moving with a child and that a good apartment near the school could be taken quickly.
I didn’t argue with that at all.
“Then transfer your own money to her.”
“I don’t have €495 right now.”
“I didn’t have an extra €135 last week either. I took it from the part of my salary that I manage myself.”
That was when Andrey finally understood exactly where I was going with this.
“Are you seriously comparing a refrigerator to an apartment?”
“No. I’m comparing your relatives to mine. You were the one who proposed that exact rule.”
He sat down at the table and opened his conversation with his sister.
He had a little more than €235 left until payday. He couldn’t give her all of it because he still had ordinary expenses ahead of him: transportation, lunches, and several other payments.
“Where is she supposed to live in a week?” he asked.
“Why in a week?”
It turned out that her old apartment had already been paid through the end of the month, almost three weeks in advance. Ksenia wasn’t going to be standing outside with her belongings the next day. She simply liked this apartment better than the others, and the agent had warned her that the landlord would not wait long.
The day before, she had viewed an apartment for €280. It was farther from the school and had an older renovation, but it was being rented directly by the owner, with no agent’s fee.
“I’m not suggesting that we abandon Ksyusha,” I said. “You promised to help her, so help her. But why should your promise be paid for from our joint account when, a week ago, my mother had nothing to do with that joint account anymore?”
Andrey had no clear answer to that.
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The Family Quickly Found Someone to Blame
The next day, Andrey wrote to his sister that he could give her €205 immediately and, after payday, add more if necessary.
Ksenia was disappointed. She had already decided on that apartment and had expected her brother to cover the entire amount she was missing. They exchanged messages for several minutes, then she called him.
I only heard Andrey’s side of the conversation.
“I never said I’d pay the whole upfront amount… Ksyush, I said I’d help… No, I’m not going to take €495 from the family savings.”
After that, his mother called him.
Judging by Andrey’s replies, Ksenia had already complained to her that her brother had first promised support and then suddenly changed his mind. My mother-in-law quickly decided that he had changed his mind solely because of me.
“Mom, Natasha didn’t forbid me from doing anything,” Andrey repeated several times. “I was the one who told her a week ago that each of us should help our relatives from our own money. Yes, now it’s turned out to be inconvenient. I understand.”
I particularly liked that last sentence, because the day before, he hadn’t noticed anything inconvenient about his rule.
Ksenia refused to take the €205. She wrote that she would look at other options and ask the owner of her old apartment to give her a few extra days to move if necessary.
Two days later, she found an apartment for €290 directly from the owner. There was a security deposit there too, but the landlord agreed to take half immediately and the other half together with the following month’s rent.
She was still a little short for the move, and Andrey sent her €155 from his own card.
I didn’t say a word.
Half a Refrigerator
For several days after that, we didn’t discuss money at all. Not because we were still fighting. Andrey was clearly thinking over his own rule, and I didn’t want to force him into admitting that he had been too hasty a week earlier.
On Friday, he got paid.
During the day, I saw a transfer of €67.50, followed by a message from Andrey:
“This is half of your mom’s refrigerator. What I said back then was wrong.”
When we met at home that evening, I asked:
“So what happens with relatives now? Everyone handles their own again?”
Andrey opened the refrigerator, took out some food for dinner, and was silent for a while.
“Let’s just discuss it in advance whenever the amount is more than €50. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your relatives or mine.”
“Now that actually sounds like a rule.”
Ksenia moved into her new apartment at the end of the month. Andrey helped her transport her belongings, and I stayed out of it.
By then, Mom’s refrigerator had already been standing in her kitchen for a week and was working without any problems.
And the savings we had set aside for our new kitchen remained untouched.