“You’ll Only Carry Me Out Feet First, You Bastards! The Story of an Old Woman Who Took Over Someone Else’s Apartment”
“Only in a coffin will I leave your apartment, do you understand?!” Marina’s former mother-in-law barked at her. “What the hell do you even want from me?!”
“You’ll carry me out of your apartment only feet first!” Raisa Leonidovna declared to Marina. “What do you want from me? Let me live out my remaining years in comfort! Marina, don’t take such a sin upon your soul!”
Marina had been standing at the door of her own apartment for half an hour already, but she still couldn’t get inside—the key, for some reason, didn’t fit. In fact, Marina had not come there for nothing: she intended to tell her former mother-in-law that she had to move out. Raisa Leonidovna knew perfectly well that her former daughter-in-law was standing outside the door, but she had no intention of letting her in.
“What kind of childish nonsense is this?” Marina said indignantly. “Open the door immediately!”
“I won’t!” Raisa Leonidovna’s voice came from behind the door. “This is my apartment now. When I die, then you can use it.”
Marina choked with outrage. Had the old woman completely lost her mind? Marina took a deep breath, then exhaled noisily and tried to object to the “squatter” as gently as possible.
“We are civilized people, Raisa Leonidovna. Open the door. What kind of behavior is this? Who gave you the right to change the locks in my apartment?”
“This is my apartment too!” her former mother-in-law refused to calm down. “I gave you money for repairs back then, remember? When you and Valera were living together.”
“Five years have passed. We are divorced now,” Marina said, not wanting to quarrel. “I let you stay in the apartment out of pity, and now you’re making your own rules here.”
“Get lost!” Raisa Leonidovna barked. “That’s it, I’m going to bed. Don’t bother me with your visits anymore.”
Marina knocked on the door a couple more times and then slowly walked downstairs. What was she supposed to do now? Call the police and forcibly evict the insolent old woman? And what if she had a stroke from the stress? Marina would never be able to wash her hands afterward. Cursing her own softness for the hundredth time, Marina went outside.
Marina had gone through a not very successful marriage with her first husband, Valery. She had married quite young, out of great love. Back then, it seemed to her that Valera was the best man in the world. For a couple of years, everything went well; they lived in perfect harmony. Marina had an apartment she had inherited from her grandmother, and that was where the couple lived. Valera tried his best to bring home the “mammoth,” working himself to exhaustion. But reality turned out to be far less rosy. Marina began noticing that her husband smelled of another woman’s perfume, came home late from work, and was almost always tipsy.
Naturally, Marina immediately interrogated her husband. Valera looked surprised.
“It must be my colleague’s perfume. Liza sprays it in the office every half hour,” he explained to Marina without blinking. “Everyone is already complaining about her. They’ve made comments, asked her nicely… She doesn’t understand anything!”
“All right,” Marina nodded. “We’ve dealt with that. Then why the hell did you come home at dawn three days in a row? As far as I know, your workday ends at seven. Where were you wandering around for seven or eight hours? You came back completely drunk. I had to air out the apartment for half a day after that stench!”
Valera blinked slowly, like a turtle. Marina tensed up: he was probably trying to think of a more believable lie.
“That was the boss’s fault,” Valera finally “gave birth” to an explanation. “He dragged me to business meetings three days in a row. We had partners from Yakutia visiting, and we had to receive them properly. You understand that a lot depends on the hospitality of the host side! The boss told me to organize everything, so I booked a restaurant and arranged a banquet. And then he dragged me along with him! That was the first day. On the second day, we signed a preliminary agreement and celebrated it… Then we signed the standard contract… So I was partying for three days.”
Marina forced herself to believe her husband. She really did not want to find out that she had been deceived. The spouses lived peacefully for a couple of months, and then thunder struck. One day, during her lunch break, Marina received a call from her friend Vika.
“Marinka, hi. Where is your beloved husband?”
“At work, probably. Where else would he be?” Marina did not understand. “Why?”
“I’m running errands at the shopping center right now. Well, never mind that. Anyway,” Vika rattled on, “your Valera is having lunch in a restaurant on the first floor with some blonde. And he’s hugging her as if she’s his wife, not you! I’m sending photos.”
One after another, spicy photos began arriving in Marina’s messenger. In them, her husband Valera was indeed very tenderly embracing a curvy blonde of about twenty.
Marina froze. Had her dear husband completely lost all shame? What did he think he was doing, and in front of strangers too? Marina immediately dialed Valera.
“Darling, where are you?” she asked, barely restraining herself.
“What kind of question is that, my love?” her husband replied. “At work, working on a new project. I told you the partners from Yakutia had come…”
Marina did not start sorting things out over the phone. She simply hung up. By the time her husband returned, she had prepared thoroughly: she left work two hours early, gathered absolutely all his things, and placed the sports bags in the hallway. At first, Valera did not understand what was happening.
“Bunny, what’s going on here? Are we moving somewhere? Or did you decide to surprise me and buy vacation tickets? Sorry, Marisha, I can’t go with you. There’s too much work, the boss won’t let me go anywhere. I’m his right-hand man. And why are there so many bags? Four whole bags!”
“No, dear, we are not flying anywhere,” Marina answered her now former husband with a smile. “You are simply leaving. Getting out of my apartment and out of my life forever. I don’t want to see you anymore!”
Valera immediately realized something was wrong. His eyes darted around, and he began asking his wife what had happened.
“Marin, if someone called you and lied that I’m cheating on you, don’t believe it! It’s a lie. A blatant lie! I’m faithful to you like a dog. I don’t have anyone!”
Marina showed her husband the spicy photos she had received from her friend a few hours earlier. Valera’s face changed. He opened his mouth, wanting to justify himself, but Marina did not let him say a word.
“Enough. I’m not going to listen to another lie. Take your bags and get out! Now. Otherwise, I’ll throw you out!”
Valera left, returning the apartment keys. That was the end of their marriage.
Marina had developed quite a close relationship with Valery’s mother, Raisa Leonidovna. They spent a lot of time together. Her mother-in-law gave her simple life advice, shared recipes, and Marina also helped her however she could. Her mother-in-law could not remain indifferent to the tragedy that had happened in her son’s family.
“Marinochka, maybe you’ll come to your senses?” Raisa Leonidovna came to visit Marina and brought a cake for tea. “Marin, I know you love my son. Well, my Valera made a mistake. It happens. Forgive him, will you? He came back to me, to my one-room apartment. It’s cramped there, you know that yourself.”
“Oh, come on! Seriously? How can I forgive betrayal?” Marina raised her eyebrows. “What would you do in my place? Would you forgive something like that?”
Raisa Leonidovna lifted her chin.
“Yes, I would forgive him if I loved that man! Marina, I believe everyone has the right to make a mistake. And even more so, everyone has the right to be forgiven. My Valerka isn’t a bad man. He loves you, he is suffering because of you. Do you know how much he’s tormenting himself now? He doesn’t eat, doesn’t drink, doesn’t sleep. All he thinks about is how to make peace with you! At least talk to him, listen to him. Maybe he’ll say something sensible. Just once! Maybe you’ll find a compromise together…”
“Forgive me, Raisa Leonidovna,” Marina shook her head. “I respect you, of course, but even for your sake I’m not ready to live with a traitor again. How can you not understand? If I forgive him now, he’ll completely sit on my neck! He’ll realize I’m spineless and that he can ride all over me. Forgive me, Raisa Leonidovna, but I do still have pride. I don’t want to have anything more to do with your son.”
Valera and Marina divorced, but the woman continued to keep in touch with Raisa Leonidovna. From time to time, they called each other, shared news, or simply talked about everything and nothing.
Marina married for the second time eight months after the divorce. Her new husband was her colleague, Nikolai. At a corporate party, he admitted to Marina that he had long been in love with her, but knowing she was married, he had not dared to reveal his feelings. Marina decided to try starting over with a clean slate, and she did not regret it: Nikolai turned out to be a very sensitive and gentle husband. He literally blew dust off Marina, gave her gifts, and moved her into his apartment in the city center.
Marina was afraid to rent out her own apartment for personal reasons. Shortly before moving, she learned from a colleague that a gang of fraudsters was operating in the city: they rented apartments using forged documents, lived there for a couple of days, and then carried everything out of the place that wasn’t nailed down. So she simply locked the apartment.
Nikolai really wanted children. He often said to his wife:
“Listen, Marin, maybe we should think about having a baby? What’s stopping us? We live well, our jobs are stable, we have our own walls around us. Even eight walls, roughly speaking. What do you think?”
Marina was in no hurry with that matter. She believed that having a child was an extremely responsible and important step for every woman, so everything had to be carefully thought through and weighed. Seeing his wife’s hesitation, Nikolai did not insist. He simply made her promise to return to the conversation a little later.
About four months after her second wedding, Marina ran into Raisa Leonidovna at a supermarket. The woman looked somehow detached, as if she had aged ten years. Marina felt that something was weighing heavily on her former mother-in-law. Marina stopped and greeted Valera’s mother. Raisa was clearly glad to see her.
“Marinochka, after your divorce, Valera came back to me and completely went off the rails,” she immediately began complaining. “He started abusing, well, you know what, and he throws scandals at me. I feel like leaving home, honestly! I have no idea what to do. Marina, I haven’t slept properly for months. My son won’t let me!”
Unexpectedly, Marina felt sorry for the unfortunate woman. She tried to calm her down as best she could.
“Raisa Leonidovna, don’t worry. I’ll think of something,” she promised her former mother-in-law. “I’ll call you.”
That evening, Marina had a serious conversation with Nikolai. She told him she wanted to temporarily let her former husband’s mother live in her apartment.
“Kolya, I feel so sorry for her! She looks terrible. She really is a good person. She suffered because of her son.”
Her husband was against Marina letting “some old woman” into her place.
“She’s nobody to you now,” Nikolai tried to reason with his wife. “Marin, where is all this tenderheartedness coming from? Lots of women have problems with their sons. Does that mean we should shelter all of them?”
“This is a special case,” Marina replied. “I’m telling you, she is a good person. She helped us when it was hard. When we were doing renovations, she didn’t spare money and helped us out.”
“My heart tells me nothing good will come of your idea,” Nikolai grumbled. “Still, if I can’t talk you out of it, do as you know best. After all, it’s your apartment.”
The next day, Marina called her former mother-in-law and offered to let her live in her apartment for a while. Raisa was overjoyed.
“God bless you, Marinochka! Oh, what a wife my Valera lost…”
“When you pack your things, call me back. I’ll help you move. Everything will be all right, Raisa Leonidovna,” Marina said, happy to help the unfortunate woman.
Marina involved Nikolai in the act of charity too. They helped Raisa move, ordered a GAZelle truck at their own expense, and transported her simple belongings. Raisa never tired of thanking her former daughter-in-law, assuring her that everything would be fine, that she would carefully pay all the bills and keep the apartment clean. And so they agreed.
Marina gave her former mother-in-law a set of keys, promised she would visit her, and left the apartment with a light heart. It really was pleasant to do good deeds!
Raisa did not deceive Marina at first. She often called and reported that everything was fine. She said she regularly paid the bills, kept the apartment clean, and was waiting for Marina and Nikolai to visit her for pies. Marina did not visit Raisa often; they saw each other a couple of times a month, drank tea together, and reminisced about the past. Marina trusted her former mother-in-law unconditionally. As it turned out, in vain.
“Marina Vladimirovna, you have a debt for utilities. There have been no payments for three months. How do you comment on this?” The call from a representative of the management company caught Marina off guard.
“I don’t understand,” Marina replied in confusion. “Everything should be fine. Are you sure you haven’t mixed something up? What debts?”
“What is there to mix up?” the person on the other end asked sternly. “Payments are not coming in, and the debt is growing. Is everything all right with you?”
Marina promised to sort everything out and immediately called her mother-in-law back. Raisa did not answer for a long time, then reluctantly picked up.
“Hello. Marina, what happened?”
Marina explained the matter to her, but Raisa immediately began putting on a show.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Everything is fine with me. I pay all the bills! Apparently, there was some mistake at their company.”
Marina was used to trusting people, so she immediately believed her former mother-in-law. Could a person like her really lie? Marina somehow did not have time to go there and check everything in person. She did not tell Nikolai anything either, knowing that her husband would reproach her again. A couple of days later, Raisa called back herself. She said she had fallen seriously ill.
“You haven’t gone to the management company yet, have you? If you go, don’t come to see me. I’m so sick! I’m lying flat, can’t get out of bed. You might catch something!” her former mother-in-law said in a quiet voice. “We’ll see each other some other time.”
And again Marina did not become suspicious. The person had fallen ill—didn’t she have the right to?
“I wish you a speedy recovery,” Marina said. “I’ll visit you when you get better.”
Marina wanted to give her former mother-in-law a week to recover, but she had to go there sooner. Marina received a call from Anya, her neighbor on the same landing, who began speaking in confusion.
“Marinka, what’s going on at your place? Some man is changing the locks on the door, and some elderly woman is giving him instructions. Did you sell the apartment?”
“No, of course not,” Marina had a bad feeling. “I let my former mother-in-law stay there. You say she’s changing the locks?”
“Yes. You should come and see for yourself what’s happening. They’re making their own rules there. The old woman is very loud too. I asked her name, and she scolded me. Told me not to stick my nose into other people’s business. All right, Marin, I warned you. Bye!”
Anya hung up, and Marina took time off work and rushed like a bullet to her apartment. Her set of keys did not fit the lock. She began ringing the bell, but there was silence in response. Then Marina began ringing again with all her might. Her former mother-in-law finally deigned to answer.
“Who’s been dragged here?”
“Raisa Leonidovna, it’s me, Marina. Open the door, we need to talk. What are you doing, acting like the owner in my apartment?”
“It used to be yours, now it’s ours,” Raisa snapped. “Consider that I bought it from you for one hundred thousand. That is exactly how much I gave you for repairs back then.”
No matter how much Marina tried to persuade Raisa to open the door, she achieved no success. Besides, curious neighbors began coming out onto the landing, and Marina did not want unnecessary noise. After several fruitless attempts to reach a voluntary agreement with her former mother-in-law, Marina decided to confess everything to her husband.
“I warned you,” her husband replied. “I knew this would happen. Come home, we’ll discuss everything tonight.”
They searched for a way out of the situation for a long time. Nikolai insisted they should simply break the locks and be done with it. Marina wanted to do everything more civilly, without unnecessary commotion. For the last time, she called Raisa Leonidovna. From Valery’s mother, she heard:
“I’ll file a complaint against you! Stop terrorizing me! I am an elderly person, I need peace. Don’t keep ringing me!”
Marina called her cousin, who served in the police, and told him what had happened. Egor whistled.
“Wow, she’s not right in the head. How long is she planning to hold the siege?”
“I don’t know,” Marina replied. “But we need to act quickly. Egor, will you help me?”
“At two o’clock, by the apartment,” Egor replied and hung up.
At the appointed time, Egor stood in civilian clothes outside his sister’s apartment. Marina prudently went one floor higher.
“Who’s there?” Raisa Leonidovna’s voice came from behind the door.
“Skvortsova Raisa Leonidovna?” Egor asked.
“Suppose so,” the woman replied.
“I’m from social services. For Senior Citizens’ Day, you are entitled to a bonus. Five thousand rubles.” Egor waved a red banknote in front of the peephole. “Receive it and sign for it!”
Raisa Leonidovna immediately opened the door, loudly expressing surprise.
“There’s such a holiday too? I didn’t know!”
Egor instantly slipped into the apartment and thrust his red ID booklet under Raisa’s nose.
“What are you doing, citizen Skvortsova, making your own rules in someone else’s apartment? Incidentally, that is an offense.”
Raisa began putting on a show, pretending not to understand what Egor was talking about. Seeing Marina enter, she pointed a dry finger at her and began screaming hysterically:
“This is revenge on you for abandoning my son! And he, by the way, still loves you. He drinks because of you and gives me no life! Why should I waste away in such horrible conditions?”
It seemed to Marina that Raisa really had gone insane—the things the elderly woman was saying were so absurd. Her former mother-in-law attacked Marina with her fists, but the tall Egor blocked her.
“You have two options: either you leave voluntarily now after handing over the keys, or I call a squad and a psychiatric team. Personally, such behavior tells me your mental state is unstable.”
Raisa began to understand that nothing good awaited her. She clutched at her heart, but these manipulations surprised no one. The elderly woman threw the keyring at Marina, muttered some curses, and left the apartment, throwing on her coat.
Egor escorted Raisa to his car, while Marina wearily sat down on the edge of the sofa. Who would have thought that a demon would move into this seemingly harmless, unfortunate woman? What had she even been thinking when she started this whole performance? After locking the apartment door, Marina returned home and called Nikolai.
“Kolya, everything is all right. We barely managed to kick her out! Thanks to Egor, he helped. You know, I think I’m ready to have a child. And we’ll expand our living space by selling both of our apartments. Are you against it?”
“I’m all for it,” Nikolai laughed. “Especially since very unpleasant memories are connected with that apartment of yours.”
Raisa Leonidovna disappeared from her former daughter-in-law’s life and never bothered Marina again. The tenderhearted woman’s second marriage turned out far more successful than her first. Marina gave birth to two sons for Nikolai. The spouses bought a large house in the suburbs—the money from selling the apartment was enough for an entire cottage.